To Break 2 Hours

I love what president Gordon B. Hinckley once said in a General Conference "try a little harder, to be a little better." I think each day, I can do "a little better" in something.

Last week at the Halloween Half Marathon I finally met the goal I set at the beginning of the year. I wasn't the fastest or fittest nor did I have the best form. Regardless, I set a personal goal in January and after all year of thinking about it, and running a couple of races without training, I realized I would have to try a little harder if I was going to reach that goal. So I did. I gave a two-month training effort, dedicated and motivated. During those two-months, I found that the effort in and of itself, trying harder, brought me to my goal of being better. It wasn't what the clock said at the finish that made me better, and it wasn't my placement in my age division. Simply trying made me, well... simply better. I ran the half in 1:53, a new personal best.

Not every run was great. But every run I tried. I haven't lost all kinds of weight, or become super-fit or incredibly athletic. But I got a little better with a little effort every day. Now what? I met my goal for the year, so what good does it do to head out that front door now, as the mornings grow colder and colder each week?

What I love about running is not so much the run itself--I am not a natural. After multiple marathons and half marathons, I have never experienced a runner's high. I learn a lot from each run though, and I feel like the life-lessons I glean from them are well worth the steps I take, so I keep taking them. And the lessons keep getting better.

As I ran this last race I was pretty focused on my pace-per-mile as they came and went, one by one. Of course by mile 9 or 10, I was starting to feel it and was tempted to slow down. I reminded myself that 2 hours would come and go whether I met my goal or not. Would I be pleased with my efforts? Then my family suddenly came to mind. Dania graduates this year, and Tori in two years. Their time at home will come and go, whether I have spent time with them or not. Will I be pleased with my efforts?

I think I am generally giving a good hard effort in motherhood, but can I try a little harder to be a little better? Always. A game here, some laughs there, a little longer walk, a frozen yogurt run, more memories and more good times. Just as my running goal required daily effort to become better and find success, I will never regret the steps taken and the lessons learned during the allotted time I have been given.

I can't help but look back and realize how very quickly the years fly by. It seems the more I want to slow those years, the faster they rush, like wind on my face and in my hair... uncontrollable, but thrilling to experience. Momentum has certainly set in. May the next 17 be as fulfilling, uplifting, and blessed as the last. I will never forget:

Hospitals and baby smells

Quiet nights and my heart swells

Feeding, bathing, changing too

Singing nighttime songs to you

Finger paints and sidewalk chalk

Bare feet when you start to walk

Beaches, snowmen, sun, and spring

Puppies, kittens, favorite things

Coast to coast, we've seen it all

Oceans wide and mountains tall

History and future too

Little feet in little shoes

Backpacks hanging to your knees

Broken stick-wands from the trees

Nature paths and city streets

Walks and runs and tired feet

Books and bed and story time

Cloud blankets and making rhymes

Cookies, picnics, hikes, and dreams

"Soaring in the sky" it seems

Schoolrooms, teachers, smiles and tears

Growing pains throughout the years

Weddings, changes, growing up

Such a bitter/sweet-ish cup

Middle school and high school days

Friends and races, concerts, plays

Finding time to read a book

Fires, hammocks, cabin nooks

Babies, pictures, family games

Vacations, no two the same

Church and prayer and blessings too

Always saying "I love you"

Road trips, skiing, trampolines

Birthday parties, Christmas things

Good luck posters, wish-you-wells

All the stories you could tell

Dreams of future special days

Setting goals and making ways

Cutting ties and apron strings

Heading off to bigger things......

Another Season

This year was especially sentimental at the end of the Cross Country season. Dania ran her last race at the state finals and Tori ran her first. What a fantastic thing to watch, as they each practically ran a 2nd race as they cheered one another up the hills, around the corners, over the river, and yes, through the woods. I was so incredibly proud of them during those few hours. Not because they can run fast enough to qualify for the race, but because of the support they gave one another. I will never forget it. State, to the girls, was a reward for months of hard work. For me, state was "payday." 3 days after my birthday--well worth the belated present! Every mother wants to see her kids love and support each other. I was lucky enough to witness it for myself.

"Love at Home" is fantastic... but knowing it continues on when they walk out that front door, is real happiness.

"Run fast, or your family won't love you!"

At my last half marathon, one of the directors got on to the bus that brought us to the start. He left us with a few final instructions and one motivational message: "And remember, run fast or your family won't love you!" While I feel no pressure from my family to run fast, it does bring up a thought on the subject--reasons why I run. My family is one big reason.

I started running with my sisters at the Desert Classic Marathon in Arizona. But now I mainly run with my daughters. I still love to get together for fun events like "halfies" with my mom, sisters, nieces, etc., there's nothing like the whole family participating in something like that. But on a smaller level, I really enjoy the quiet daily opportunity to think about my life, my community, my kids. Sometimes I just soak in the nature and beauty of the canyon, sometimes I pray, and sometimes I just enjoy the moment without any conscious thought at all. Undistracted by phones, TV, and doorbells, the fresh outdoor air and the rhythm of my feet together, seem to create a duet that centers, focuses, and strengthens me enough to make it through daily work, family busy-ness, and random nonsense. My family got me into running, and my family will keep me running.

Yesterday, in fact, Dave drove me to the top of Sundance Canyon to prepare for my next half marathon which starts with an incredibly steep downhill run of 5 miles. After he dropped me off, a while later he and Benny passed me as they drove back down. It was so fun to hear them cheer together for me, even though it was just a training run. Running brings out the best in the runner, but often it brings out the best in others as well. The spectators at marathons and half marathons are full of the same kind of energy the runners are. Their signs and noisemakers and yells are so fun and very often inspiring. The number of volunteers at the stations is fantastic and the crowd at the end is unlike any other crowd. Almost every one of those supporters is there for someone they know and love... family, for the most part, or friends that are close enough to be... because they love them.

So, I might take the thought "Run fast, or your family won't love you!" and turn it around a little. LOVE FAST, OR YOUR FAMILY WON'T RUN YOU!

Putting one foot in front of the other,

Kathy

"Running" an experiment.

Since my last post, I stepped WAAAAY outside my comfort zone and opened myself up to opinions, judgements, and comments (sometimes supportive, sometimes skeptical, or simply shocked) by announcing my personal goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I am not fast. Yet. I do not look like a runner. Yet. I do not have a lot of time to train. Who does? It is amazing to me, to watch people run or bike in my neighborhood. I truly respect the individuals who have the drive to become and maintain athletic abilities beyond what I know. When others see me trotting down the bike path I look less than impressive when compared to the those who share my exercise venue. BUT--I like a great come-back story, and I often cheer for the underdog. So why not me, the working mom of 3, less-than-competative jogger, who once had a day in world of athletics?

The human mind contains unmeasurable power, many people agree on this. But how far can our minds take us, realistically, in every day life? When I was younger and less "damaged" by life's blows, I believed we could simply chose what we wanted, and make it happen. What happened after that? Life. And after that? Nothing. I quit trying, reaching, and growing. I went to college and got my degree/job. The end. I completed a few marathons slowly. The end. I had 3 kids. Well... that's a never ending story. Bottom line, everything I dreamed of as a kid, happened. Who can complain about that? Not me. But why did I stop dreaming?

Dara Torres makes a point in her book, Age is Just A Number, when she says that often times people give up on themselves when they become middle-aged. This needs not be so. More experienced are we middle-agers? Yes. Have all of those experiences been pleasant? No. Can difficult and unpleasant experiences make us stronger, smarter, and better? Absolutely. Not just physically, but mentally, and spiritually as well. Dara Torres among other athletes have proven that with hard work and sacrifice we can be strong. I want to be strong. But I also want to be smart. And I want to remember where I came from and where I am going and why I am here on Earth experiencing life to its fullest.

So goes the experiment: Running. I will continue putting forth my best physical effort toward my goal of achieving an official Boston qualifying time at a full marathon (2011?). I will read and learn and grow mentally as I study the best way to do so, in my middle-aged state. I will research and apply what I have found. And I will share these things with you. Whoever you are. Then, and most importantly, I will apply my experience in running, training, and ultimately qualifying to who I am and where I am going spiritually. This part may bore or even scare some readers away. That's okay. I don't just run to be stronger and smarter. I want to be better--and better, in my opinion, is on the inside.

Stronger: I'm losing the weight. I started with 15 pounds to lose, and I am down 1.5 this week. I ran every day I was scheduled, even my long run on Saturday. And although life happened, I got it done at 9:30pm. Better late than never. I also got a few days of strength training and extra walking at nights. Cardiovascularly, I'm doing better as well. It still takes me 2-3 miles to warm up, but once I do I feel like I could go forever. But I'm still slower than I need to be.

Smarter: I read Age is Just A Number and am still reading Racing Weight. I am learning how important it is to live for the goal. Everything we eat or watch or dream of, potentially has an effect on the ultimate goal. I started thinking positive, and actually dreamed of achieving it. I can't wait for it to happen in reality!

Better: Dania and I were teasing about how "muscle memory" works. Specifically, how now my muscles don't automatically reach for the cookies like they used to--I reach for building foods ;-) Same goes spiritually. Less of the remote, and more of the scriptures. I love to find messages that seem to pop out and inspire me stretch and grow each day.

Putting one foot in front of the other,

Kathy

You will know that I am happy

Yesterday, Tori asked me a good question. I gave her an answer that later, made me really analyze myself and my life. "Are you happy with your life?" She said smiling, as we stood in the kitchen rushing to get breakfast on. First off, I would rather be the kind of person that radiates happiness and joy and enthusiasm for life no matter where I am or what I'm doing--my happiness and gratitude for life itself should be obvious. But at that moment, I was tired. Very tired. Young mothers are tired from early morning baby/toddler hours. Older mothers are tired with late-night (which turn to early morning) talks with teenagers. Mothers like me who have both, well, occasionally I have lack-of-sleep moments when I wonder what "my life" really is. My response reflected this when I quickly answered, "I don't really have a life. I'm just part of everyone else's."

Why did that comment seem less than happy, when in fact I am thrilled with my life? Being a contributor to the lives of those in my family is the greatest thing I do and I wouldn't give it up for anything, this is who I am. I work because this world demands it. But I play and serve and enjoy my family because I love them eternally. I always wanted to be a mother and build a home that is a sanctuary from the craziness of the world out there. So why is it that sometimes, while doing the very thing I've always dreamed about, I can feel lifeless after all, and the happiness inside is not evident to others?

Even my dream life can be overwhelming, and "balance in all things" is necessary to keep things moving like a well-oiled machine. Even Jesus Christ who's life's purpose was to serve mankind, took time to be alone. Maybe taking time to care for myself is more important than I thought. So... once upon a time, I set a goal (nearly 10 years ago). A goal which in reality, I DID NOT KNOW whether or not could physically be achieved. But I set it and I meant it. And now I will conquer it once and for all. I started running not for the run itself, but for the benefits that a good run yields. Then I ran my first marathon in 2001 and said someday, I would be fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon. For many, this is no big deal. For me, it means a lot. If I am going to designate time each day to take care of myself in order to be a better and evidently happier mother and wife, I may as well accomplish something fun and worthwhile.

Fast? No. Slow and steady served me very well for a decade. I enjoyed going for my runs for all the reasons people run. Looming, however, was this goal in the back of my mind and I knew that someday I would have to "step it up". But speed workouts are haaaard (insert whining voice here). And with nobody to really coach or push me along, it was easier just to run a 10k, half marathon, or even full marathon, than to race it. So for 10 years that is just what happened.

But now, I am ready to go. First Step: Set a goal for this year; break 2:00 on my half marathon. I am still 8 minutes away, officially. But 'tis the season to be racing! The weather is cooling down and the Fall air beckons! Recently, I started training better and eating right. I believe I can do this by year's end.

Second Step: Complete a half marathon in 1:45. This equates to the Boston qualifying time (full marathon) except it is for a half. I am very hopeful to achieve this in Moab on March 19th, 2011 almost exactly 10 years from my 1st full marathon. Fitting.

Third Step: Once 1:45 is met, training for the full marathon will begin. If I reach this goal at Moab, I will enter the lottery for the St. George Marathon to be held in October of 2011. If I do not get picked I will likely choose the Top of Utah full marathon in September of 2011. I like the Utah marathons because they are on Saturdays (most others are on Sundays), and while the purpose of this effort is to take time out for me, I don't want to lose sight of HIM. Sundays are my "day of rest."

Fourth Step: Train like crazy, eat smart, and generally enjoy life along the way. I have a husband, two runner girls, and a toddler who are all great cheerleaders, I will depend on them on my tired or snowy or just plain lazy days, to push me out the door.

Fifth/Final Step: RACE, not just run, the full marathon this time next year, in 3:45, the qualifying time for my age division.

Would I be happy without this goal? Yes. The things that matter most to me are all in place. I take great comfort and joy in that. I will continue to "be a part of everyone else's" life. Every night I will dream of the greatest people on Earth only to wake up and find them in reality, having breakfast in MY kitchen while getting ready for school or work. My life is complete and full without the run, but still, it heals the heart, mends the mind, soothes the soul, and powers the person. So for now, running it is... and with a smile on my face. And you will know that I am happy ;o)