"Running" an experiment.

Since my last post, I stepped WAAAAY outside my comfort zone and opened myself up to opinions, judgements, and comments (sometimes supportive, sometimes skeptical, or simply shocked) by announcing my personal goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I am not fast. Yet. I do not look like a runner. Yet. I do not have a lot of time to train. Who does? It is amazing to me, to watch people run or bike in my neighborhood. I truly respect the individuals who have the drive to become and maintain athletic abilities beyond what I know. When others see me trotting down the bike path I look less than impressive when compared to the those who share my exercise venue. BUT--I like a great come-back story, and I often cheer for the underdog. So why not me, the working mom of 3, less-than-competative jogger, who once had a day in world of athletics?

The human mind contains unmeasurable power, many people agree on this. But how far can our minds take us, realistically, in every day life? When I was younger and less "damaged" by life's blows, I believed we could simply chose what we wanted, and make it happen. What happened after that? Life. And after that? Nothing. I quit trying, reaching, and growing. I went to college and got my degree/job. The end. I completed a few marathons slowly. The end. I had 3 kids. Well... that's a never ending story. Bottom line, everything I dreamed of as a kid, happened. Who can complain about that? Not me. But why did I stop dreaming?

Dara Torres makes a point in her book, Age is Just A Number, when she says that often times people give up on themselves when they become middle-aged. This needs not be so. More experienced are we middle-agers? Yes. Have all of those experiences been pleasant? No. Can difficult and unpleasant experiences make us stronger, smarter, and better? Absolutely. Not just physically, but mentally, and spiritually as well. Dara Torres among other athletes have proven that with hard work and sacrifice we can be strong. I want to be strong. But I also want to be smart. And I want to remember where I came from and where I am going and why I am here on Earth experiencing life to its fullest.

So goes the experiment: Running. I will continue putting forth my best physical effort toward my goal of achieving an official Boston qualifying time at a full marathon (2011?). I will read and learn and grow mentally as I study the best way to do so, in my middle-aged state. I will research and apply what I have found. And I will share these things with you. Whoever you are. Then, and most importantly, I will apply my experience in running, training, and ultimately qualifying to who I am and where I am going spiritually. This part may bore or even scare some readers away. That's okay. I don't just run to be stronger and smarter. I want to be better--and better, in my opinion, is on the inside.

Stronger: I'm losing the weight. I started with 15 pounds to lose, and I am down 1.5 this week. I ran every day I was scheduled, even my long run on Saturday. And although life happened, I got it done at 9:30pm. Better late than never. I also got a few days of strength training and extra walking at nights. Cardiovascularly, I'm doing better as well. It still takes me 2-3 miles to warm up, but once I do I feel like I could go forever. But I'm still slower than I need to be.

Smarter: I read Age is Just A Number and am still reading Racing Weight. I am learning how important it is to live for the goal. Everything we eat or watch or dream of, potentially has an effect on the ultimate goal. I started thinking positive, and actually dreamed of achieving it. I can't wait for it to happen in reality!

Better: Dania and I were teasing about how "muscle memory" works. Specifically, how now my muscles don't automatically reach for the cookies like they used to--I reach for building foods ;-) Same goes spiritually. Less of the remote, and more of the scriptures. I love to find messages that seem to pop out and inspire me stretch and grow each day.

Putting one foot in front of the other,

Kathy

You will know that I am happy

Yesterday, Tori asked me a good question. I gave her an answer that later, made me really analyze myself and my life. "Are you happy with your life?" She said smiling, as we stood in the kitchen rushing to get breakfast on. First off, I would rather be the kind of person that radiates happiness and joy and enthusiasm for life no matter where I am or what I'm doing--my happiness and gratitude for life itself should be obvious. But at that moment, I was tired. Very tired. Young mothers are tired from early morning baby/toddler hours. Older mothers are tired with late-night (which turn to early morning) talks with teenagers. Mothers like me who have both, well, occasionally I have lack-of-sleep moments when I wonder what "my life" really is. My response reflected this when I quickly answered, "I don't really have a life. I'm just part of everyone else's."

Why did that comment seem less than happy, when in fact I am thrilled with my life? Being a contributor to the lives of those in my family is the greatest thing I do and I wouldn't give it up for anything, this is who I am. I work because this world demands it. But I play and serve and enjoy my family because I love them eternally. I always wanted to be a mother and build a home that is a sanctuary from the craziness of the world out there. So why is it that sometimes, while doing the very thing I've always dreamed about, I can feel lifeless after all, and the happiness inside is not evident to others?

Even my dream life can be overwhelming, and "balance in all things" is necessary to keep things moving like a well-oiled machine. Even Jesus Christ who's life's purpose was to serve mankind, took time to be alone. Maybe taking time to care for myself is more important than I thought. So... once upon a time, I set a goal (nearly 10 years ago). A goal which in reality, I DID NOT KNOW whether or not could physically be achieved. But I set it and I meant it. And now I will conquer it once and for all. I started running not for the run itself, but for the benefits that a good run yields. Then I ran my first marathon in 2001 and said someday, I would be fast enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon. For many, this is no big deal. For me, it means a lot. If I am going to designate time each day to take care of myself in order to be a better and evidently happier mother and wife, I may as well accomplish something fun and worthwhile.

Fast? No. Slow and steady served me very well for a decade. I enjoyed going for my runs for all the reasons people run. Looming, however, was this goal in the back of my mind and I knew that someday I would have to "step it up". But speed workouts are haaaard (insert whining voice here). And with nobody to really coach or push me along, it was easier just to run a 10k, half marathon, or even full marathon, than to race it. So for 10 years that is just what happened.

But now, I am ready to go. First Step: Set a goal for this year; break 2:00 on my half marathon. I am still 8 minutes away, officially. But 'tis the season to be racing! The weather is cooling down and the Fall air beckons! Recently, I started training better and eating right. I believe I can do this by year's end.

Second Step: Complete a half marathon in 1:45. This equates to the Boston qualifying time (full marathon) except it is for a half. I am very hopeful to achieve this in Moab on March 19th, 2011 almost exactly 10 years from my 1st full marathon. Fitting.

Third Step: Once 1:45 is met, training for the full marathon will begin. If I reach this goal at Moab, I will enter the lottery for the St. George Marathon to be held in October of 2011. If I do not get picked I will likely choose the Top of Utah full marathon in September of 2011. I like the Utah marathons because they are on Saturdays (most others are on Sundays), and while the purpose of this effort is to take time out for me, I don't want to lose sight of HIM. Sundays are my "day of rest."

Fourth Step: Train like crazy, eat smart, and generally enjoy life along the way. I have a husband, two runner girls, and a toddler who are all great cheerleaders, I will depend on them on my tired or snowy or just plain lazy days, to push me out the door.

Fifth/Final Step: RACE, not just run, the full marathon this time next year, in 3:45, the qualifying time for my age division.

Would I be happy without this goal? Yes. The things that matter most to me are all in place. I take great comfort and joy in that. I will continue to "be a part of everyone else's" life. Every night I will dream of the greatest people on Earth only to wake up and find them in reality, having breakfast in MY kitchen while getting ready for school or work. My life is complete and full without the run, but still, it heals the heart, mends the mind, soothes the soul, and powers the person. So for now, running it is... and with a smile on my face. And you will know that I am happy ;o)

Summer Vacation 2010

Our trip to Jamaica was something really special. We probably would never have gone there if it weren't for my work sending us, so we made the most of it and WOW, what an amazing time we had. You know you've done something great with your family when it seems as though you were in a completely different world and time. What did we do? Mainly stayed close together enjoying the pool and being pampered by the staff at the Ritz. Jamaica was suffering "civil unrest" at the time, and were were advised to not leave the property. This made for a great reason to really just "be" together--I'm so glad for that. Dania is getting ready to leave for school in one year and I always wonder how many more of these times we will get, all together. Here are a few of my favorite moments from the 8 dreamy days we were there.

Time spent with my kids was amazing. I love being home with them on a day-to-day basis, we certainly have a lot of great home days. But going away seems to add the perfect accent to those memories. I loved that we had no cell phones while we were away. No texting or competing with calls or reminders of the real world. Our focus was just time together and boy did we make the most of it! Benny was passed around a lot, but I usually got him when he was tired and/or hungry. I don't mind. What better place to comfort a baby than in paradise?
My favorite times with the girls were kayaking and going on our rain run. It was POURING outside, but really, it was like liquid sunshine. The water was actually VERY warm! The girls stomped in puddles (we were all running barefoot) and I just kept it steadily moving forward, trying not to get swept away in the rivers of warm water. That is by far the best run I have ever been on. Barefoot, warm, great company, Heaven, excitement!

The girls had a few times where they could just enjoy the resort together. I love to see them as friends as much as they are sisters. Tori makes Dania laugh and Dania always has an entertaining story. It was even nice to just see the two of them resting by the pool with a book and a smoothie. Could life get any better?

The kids in general really played hard. Benny especially was running way beyond his normal routine. He was pretty exhausted by the end of the day, but so were the girls. They usually caught a nap in the middle of the day (during the hot sun hours) sometimes all on the same bed! There was no shortage of things to do or places to explore. We went sailing and kayaking, swimming and snorkeling, running and walking, and shopping and roaming, and soaking up the sun wherever we were.

Ya mon! Naps were a critical part of our trip. The heat and humidity was very draining, since the week we left home, it snowed enough to break trees in half! We needed some time to acclimate to the area. Now that we are back to the mountain hot/cold weather, I miss our warm blanket that surrounded us in Jamaica.

I have to give Dania credit right away. She was our official photographer of the trip, and she did an excellent job capturing everything from the big fun events to the small Jamaican insects. She was fun to watch as she explored the grounds looking for a beautiful image to save--and she found a LOT! Dania had a good time generally soaking up the lap of luxury here, before she left the next week for her 2 1/2 week "service mission" to Fiji where she would be digging toilets. Benny seemed to want to make up for lost time with Dania--she's been so busy with school and activities, he didn't see her much during the school year. This trip made up for that!

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Dave and Benny were a great pair in the pool from the first hour we got there. The two of them are really water buddies and Benny learned to jump into the pool, whether any of us were ready to catch him or not! This pool was a kind of healing spot for us. We all went there to rest and recover from a long year of hard work. We had many lunches, smoothies, and treats poolside, and quickly grew to feel at home there. I miss it already.

Tori was probably one of the more excited family members to go on this trip, and contributed a lot--especially at the pool and beaches. Benny liked walking in the sand with her and she was happy to take him. We were all a little disappointed that we couldn't see more of the country, but all things considered it was good we got to see what we did. I loved watching Tori listening to the staff at the hotel, with their strong Jamaican accents. I think she had a hard time understanding them, but from time to time I could see her connecting with them. I could really see her traveling the world some day--she is a natural and really seems in her element when she's out exploring. I hope she can do more of it sometime soon.

The first night we were there, the girls were really tired from the long day traveling so weren't feeling hungry for dinner. Dave and I, however, were ready to check out "Horizons"--the restaurant at the hotel; Dania and Tori crashed in the hotel room. The food was fabulous, and matched the service as well. Benny fell asleep in Dave's arms, so the staff created a bed out of two chairs, a pillow, and a tablecloth. Dave and I had an amazing night together just enjoying eating outside, listening to the waves in the distance, and having some peace and quiet--just the two of us.

Bliss. All in all the trip was something we will never forget. More than the beauty of the island, the service of the staff, the poolside therapy, or the fabulous food, I enjoyed being close to my family with no outside distractions. Thanks PARAGON, you made our year!

Be Grateful

Dave and I both have our "pre-marraige" story. Long, each of them, but gladly they come with happy endings--a marriage sealed for time and all eternity. While Dave may have opted for someone to help him through his illnesses so he wasn't quite so alone for quite so long, and I may have preferred to NOT go through the sadness of divorce, what we have now is long-lasting gratitude in our hearts for one another. Why is it, we most appreciate what we work the hardest for? I suppose it doesn't matter--perhaps we should work hard for all that we do have, so we appreciate what we are given each day. Especially those people who are closest to us.

There is so much to be grateful for, when we think of it, and blessings continue to come by the dozens. I hope to always be able to be blessed with the ability to see what I have, love what it is, and be thankful for it. After all it is better to "want what you have, than to get what you want".

Mothers

On Mothers Day, I stop to think for a moment about the Mothers in my life. Starting with my own Mom who has been an inspiration in ALL things. Strong in her beliefs, strong in her physical goals, strong in her leadership, strong in following what she knows to be right. One of the things I have observed about her is her ability to NOT think too much. If something needs done, she does it. If someone needs help, she helps them. If someplace is void, she fills it. My mom is an excellent example of a truly Christlike individual who offers love and compassion to all--no strings attached. Simply put, I want to be like her. Sadly, there are many women out there who, for whatever reason, can not have children. My mom leads the kind of life that they could follow--offering a motherly influence to all who they come in contact with.

Granted, there are times when I catch myself after having instinctively said something and thought "did my Mother's words just come out of my mouth?" So what if they did? It just means I am one step closer to my goal of growing into her shoes :) I have been blessed to have her all my life. She is my set of training wheels right now, keeping me up when I am unsteady--I do not look forward to the day when the Lord takes her back and leaves me to ride all on my own.

Dave's mom lives just around the corner and also plays a wonderful role in our lives here. I see clearly, where Dave gets his consistency, patience, generosity, and strength. She has endured a great deal of physical trials and continues to aim her focus on her family through service. Her talents hang on the walls of all of her kid's homes, where her heart also dwells. She waited a long time for grandchildren, and clearly loves to have them a part of her life. We are lucky to have her influence in our daily lives.

Of course, I also reflect on my experience as a mother. Motherhood has been all that I hoped it would be. I only wanted to be a mother, growing up, and still if there was only one thing I could do in life, it would be to be a mother. My children have changed my life. Each of them have brought out in me, qualities that I would not have had without the experience of living with and learning from them. Dania has a focus and drive like non other. She will go wherever she wants and will not take no for an answer. I hope I will be able to remember her righteous motivation to achieve all good things when she is grown and moved onto her own life somewhere. Tori-Laine has taught me valuable lessons in taking time to enjoy the simple and beautiful things. I am not one who normally sits and enjoys a good book, or soaks up the sun, or gets engaged in a great story--but she has brought that much-needed, softer aspect into my life. Benny of course has brought laughter and smiles and joy beyond measure. He reminds us everyday that "Sunday will come" no matter the trials we endure, the promises and blessings of the Lord will come in their own time. He is our family's Sunday.

Grandmothers and great-grandmothers have also helped shape and form my life, for which I will be eternally grateful. It all comes together and creates an amazing picture. I know that my Father in Heaven has a plan for families, and I know that the part we each play in the plan is a critical piece to the overall outcome. "I stand all amazed" and look forward to the day we are all together in the eternities sharing, loving, and continually offering the support we do each day, as mothers.